7 Things My 20's Taught Me

Wait You're How Old?!

This past Friday I turned 31.  Yes, I know, "I don't look 31!", lol.  Eh, I guess it's a blessing to look youthful, so thank you in advance--it's all in the genes, I promise you!  In fact, some of you may have read the title, " What My 20s Taught Me ", and thought I was lying (I get that a lot), but I'm definitely getting on up there, but I must admit: I kinda like it! lol

Anyway, turning 31 was a time of much reflection for me.  I've heard it's quite the marker in a young woman's life, (30's in general), however, I didn't want to gas it up. I didn't expect glitter to fall from the hooves of unicorns the morning I peeled open my eyes on the 1st of September (that's my actual birthday).  In fact, no glitter rained down on me, no rainbows appeared outside my window, and indeed, there were no trail of unicorns in site.  I woke up feelinggg.....pretty normal--as I thought I would, lol.

You see, I'm not the "birthday person". I don't engage in online rants the week preluding my birthday, nor do I subscribe to a "birthday week/month" situation.  It's honestly just another day to me!  And I'm cool with just being alive to see it:-)  But on this birthday, I realized that with the close of a decade, it was only right to give it a little more attention.  But I don't like too much attention, lol. So, I speak about things running through my head in the most natural way I know, through my writing:-)

20's: The Best of Times + The Worst of Times

My 20s were, I'm not gonna lie, a really hard time for me.  I went through ssssoooo much, albeit a great deal of it was self inflicted lol, nonetheless, it was still a rough journey.  I spent the 1st half of my 20s not knowing what the heck I was doing with my life.  From trying to understand who I was, to attempting to find happiness in many different vices, I was lost!

I'm a loner by nature, so a lot of my suffering was in silence.  And a lot of things I went through, only me and Jesus know, lol!  But speaking of Jesus, that brings me to the 2nd half of my 20s.  That part of my journey was where I gave my life to God, forreal forreal, and everything about me changed--literally.

The core of me is still the same, quite naturally.  But when you give your life to Christ, he truly makes ALL things new.  I looked back on all the rejection, confusion, pain, and unnecessary drama that the 1st half of my 20s brought, and wanted to slap myself for not coming to Jesus sooner, lol!  Nonetheless, it was all necessary!  All of it has led me into the formation of who I am today.

I have a buddy who said something to me once, and it's stuck with me for years, "It's always perfect." Simple, and not extremely revelatory or profound--but absolutely true, it's ALWAYS perfect.  Everything I've experienced, or that you have experienced, was indeed perfect.  Those events led me to where I am, and inspired me to be a better person.

I stand today, a 30 year old woman, fully confident in who I am, what I'm about, what I'm NOT about, and totally into living a Christ centered life that I hope inspires all of you in some way.  If you haven't read about my journey of faith on here before, I highly suggest you check it out, here!

In a nutshell: My 20s were full of a LOT of lessons.  So many, that I couldn't possibly list them all in this post.  But, here's a start, I've got 7! Wanna hear em, here we go:-)

What My 20s Taught Me

1. Everyone matters or no one does.

teen vogue magazine black supermodels
teen vogue magazine black supermodels
  • For some reason, we've evolved into a culture that NEEDS someone to be obsessed with. Someone to try and model everything about ourselves after.
  •  If you don't believe me, have you every heard of this cult, I mean, this group of lovely young women called the "beehive"? Or these raging youngins, calling themselves "beliebers"? lol.  Perhaps, this type of idolatry for celebrities has always been around, but I'm led to believe it's never been this bad.
  •  With the advent of social media, and reality TV, this phenomenon has gotten crazy.  We now get to see people-- like the Kardashians, show us something as simple as them riding around in their cars, ordering Starbucks, and putting on their makeup everyday.  This  has led to regular people (that's you and me)obsessing & patterning our normal activities after these people.  It's just weird.
  • And sad, honestly.  When I say everyone matters or no one does, this means, that no human person should be placed on any pedestal higher than you. We should look at everyone the same, because truth be told, you never know WHO someone can be underneath our initial moments of empty judgments.
  •  I've met people dressed in almost rags. Clothes that looked like they got them out of a nicely kept trash bin, but owned 4/5 businesses and had beautiful families & homes.  I just happened to meet them on an "errands day"or a chore week. You see where I'm going with this?  Everyone matters, or no one does.

I work with celebrities from time to time, and I treat them like I would anyone else. Why? Because they ARE like everyone else, lol.

  • They just happen to live a public life.  Don't think for 1 second these people are sitting on a chair any higher than yours in God's eyes:-)
  • Everyone has something special, unique, and interesting about them.  Who's the judge on what gift is more valuable than the other?

2. Your word over everthing.

natural hair blogger red wall new york streets
natural hair blogger red wall new york streets
  • I'm not sure at what point in my 20s I realized the power of my word, but boy when I did, it hit me like a ton of bricks.
  • I seriously pride myself in being a woman of my word, that's why I don't respond to things so quickly, lol.  If someone asks me to commit to something, or be involved with something, I rarely give an answer right away.  I need to think about if I'm really gonna come through with it, that's just the truth, lol.
  • When you really think about it, so many people say they're going to do something. Later, when the moment of execution comes, they realize how much they NEVERwanted to do, and back out!  I used to do this too, so I get it. But I came into the understanding, that all you really have in this life is your word for people to go on.

[Tweet theme="tweet-box-shadow"]You can lose a lot of " things ", and get them back--but if your word is no good, that's a hard thing to restore. [/Tweet]

  • My 20s taught me to just be honest, lol! It's not unheard of for me to say, "No, I can't do it", lol.  And that's it.  I don't always give some elaborate reason why either, I just can't. I think people will respect you for your honesty in the long run:-)

3. Be the kind of person you'd want to get to know.

  • Who a person admires says more about them than they realize.  Over the years my list of people I look up to has changed dramatically, while having gotten shorter and shorter.
  • I don't find my heroes in pop culture icons these days, but more and more in regular people. Regular people who have the kind of qualities I think are good, fair, and righteous.
  • For example my mom is the most selfless person I know. Without a doubt, I can be selfish at times.  So she's a natural hero to me.  Another thing is people from the past, not to turn this into a Bible study, but the apostle Paul. Like, imma just stop there. Everything about this man was "goals", lol.
  • Long story short, my 20s taught me that as I changed as a person, so would my heroes.  And that's okay!  That's a beautiful sign of growth, so embrace it!

The person you evolve into should be the kind of person your role models would want to get to know. See how this is connected?

  • It's allconnected, so pay attention to who you're looking up to and most importantly, why :-)

4. People who are truly for you, will always be for you; and the ones who aren't will naturally fade away.

black female blogger nyc rooftop
black female blogger nyc rooftop
  • Listen, I can't tell you how many people have "fallen off" during my 20s!  This journey, man, has been ccrraazzzyyy, lol.  But, I can say with 100% confidence, that the people who are still active in my life, are the ones that should be!  In turn saying, you guessed it, the ones that aren't--probably never should have been, lol. No shade.  When you become more of who you were always supposed to be, things and people that don't fit the new mold of you, will naturally, "fall off".  This is normal.
  • When I was in my early 20s, I liken my behavior of discovering my authentic self to "trying on hats", lol.
  • See, I was trying on multiple hats, seeing what fit.  Sometimes these hats were people.  I would squuueezzee them over my head, knowing they were too small, or walk around with them flopping all over the place, because they were too big, lol.
  • They simply didn't fit me anymore! I had to take it off, and find the hats that were true to my size.  And not that these people were bad humans, absolutely not! I've met some INCREDIBLE people from all around the world along the way.   But the saying is true--on your journey to self awareness, everyone can't go with you.
  • At first, this bothered me.  I tried to keep in touch, or I attempted to not be distant.  But with time, space, and most notably, my newfound devotion to Jesus, I couldn't be in the same places, or around the same faces, anymore.  I was a new creature.
  • Please don't ever let anyone shame you for growing, for evolving, or for acting brand new! Anything not growing is dead, and if someone has a problem with the updated version of you--they were never for you:-)

5. In a world of hypersexuality--understand that sexy isn't on you, sexy is in you....But don't focus on that:-)

lifestyle blogger new york city streets graffiti
lifestyle blogger new york city streets graffiti
  • Okay, look.  Being naked does not make you sexy.  Understand this, please!  Showing more of your skin will not make someone think you're sexy.  It will make someone want to have sex with you.
  • But these are not the same things.  Sexy is much like style.  You don't have to own all designer brands to have style.  Style is just IN you.  I come from a long line of women with some banging style, who in the grand scope of things, never had much.  How is this possible? Because when you have style, you can make ANYTHING look dope.  Some people just got the juice, I can't explain it, lol.  The same thing goes for being sexy!

[Tweet theme="tweet-box-shadow"]This is why some women may not have ample, umm, "assets", but something about them is sexy. [/Tweet]

  • Confession: I only learned this about 8 years ago, lol.  I too, like many young girls, had a season where everything had to be tight, short, and see through--sometimes all at the same time, lol!  But, I truly implore young women today to NOT confirm to this culture's agenda to make you sex crazed weirdos, running around half naked.
  • When you value your body as something sacred, you naturally won't see anything good from showing it off for the world to see.  That's lame, I'm sorry, and sooo tired.
  • Listen, I'm not throwing shade, like I said, I did it too!  It's imposed upon us as women, to be uber sexual through the media.  But we don't have to subscribe to this.

[Tweet theme="tweet-box-shadow"] I don't care who your favorite celebrity is and what they wore, your body is so precious in the eyes of God![/Tweet]

  • The message you send into the world by how you dress--speaks to how much you value it.  I'm not saying dress like a nun, I certainly don't, but my 20s taught me to pay attention to what I put out there about myself in way of how I dress/talk/interact with others, etc.

Trust me, if you're truly sexy, it'll be perceived anyway, even with clothes on--but don't focus on that:-)

6. I should listen actively, not passively.

  • I'm a pretty good listener, naturally, because I don't talk a lot.  I never really talked much, because I'm more of a thinker & observer.  My moments of bubbling excitement are reserved for those closest to me. But you know what I discovered?  Just because you know how to not talk a lot & listen--doesn't mean you're actually listening!  I will zone out on someone so fast, as my country grandma would say--"before the water can get hot!"  It's true, lol.  And I'm not proud of this!  ***I'm actually still working on this.
  • As the years have gone by, I've realized that you can learn so much by attentively listening.  Sometimes you listening to a person, can alleviate so much inner turmoil they may have been battling!
  • Being a quiet person, I noticed that a lot of people talk, just to hear themselves speak.  Let's face it, we can all get reeeallyyy  into ourselves, lol, I'm just being real!  That is probably why I stopped paying attention, lol! But that's not the case with everyone, so let's all try to be more active listeners, I know I will!

7. Accumulating things in this life is nice, but contentment & have peace with very little, holds far more weight.

african american woman blogger with white flower
african american woman blogger with white flower
  • 1 of my most groundbreaking lessons has been this truth.
  • Along my 20s I had moments where I was seeking independence while trying to be faithful to God.  In doing so, I became  too prideful to ask for help.  But through all of those experiences, I was covered.
  •  I'm blessed beyond anything I could ever deserve, and I know that my peace & joy comes from God.
  • When we're out here chasing our dreams, or trying to do the hustle thing in our 20s, we can become engrossed with wanting to have things.  Because things signify success and excellence to us.  But that's not true at all.
  • I provide makeup for some people who own enough things to fill a stadium, yet some are empty inside.  When I struggled intensely, I learned that things could never be the reason behind my smile, because things come and things go.
  • If material things determine my happiness, what kind of life is that?! A twisted game of dice that I realized I would never win.  My favorite scripture that sums up this truth for me is this:

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Philippians 4: 12

Chill out, It Gets Better

In conclusion, I hope this post has inspired you!  If you're a 20 something beauty out here, taking life 1 day at a time, finding your way, know this:

  • Be you, not who you think you should be.
  • Things will make more sense.....with time & patience.
  • Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing better than you think
  • Trust God, it's always perfect.

Please, don't forget to share this post!

new york city street style blogger
new york city street style blogger

Leave me a comment below if you're a 20 something beauty out there, figuring it all out!

Until next time, bye lovaas💋